Friday, November 5, 2010

The First 24!

There is a show on cable called the First 48. A reality program of homicide crimes that have taken place and the how the first 48 hours mean everything in a case when it comes to leads, tips and ultimately an arrest. After the first 48 are gone and you don't have a suspect, the chances become harder of trying to solve the crime. Well the chaos (for lack of a better word) that ROCKED, JOLTED, and RIPPED the life of me and my family today happened in the First 24. In my last posts, I have never given the names of my brothers or sister. I have posted a picture and those who know my family knows which one in the picture is the addict. But after today's events there is no reason not to give names, especially now that every news station has released his name. Instead of releasing EVERYBODY's names I will refer to them with the initial of their first name. Of course there is me, Mindy and Chad, my brother who is the heroin addict. I will refer to my sister as "M" the brothers as "T"and "B".

I returned to work today from a pretty uneventful weekend. The season is finally changing so I clipped back my perennials and ornamental grasses. Did a little bit of housework and just chilled. Nothing exciting that's for sure. I hadn't heard from Chad since Friday when I saw him at the gas station. I didn't really talk to anybody all weekend. To say the least, my brain was once again pretty fried from all the shit that goes on with him when he relapses and I just wanted to do NOTHING if I didn't HAVE too.

My morning was of the norm. I was asked early on this morning by a co-worker who I consider a dear friend if I could go out for lunch and while I'm strapped for cash I needed it. And when I found out it was at Chili's, no was not an option. Not today anyway. Chili's is a favorite of mine and usually I can choke my whole plate back but with the events going on the last two weeks and the lack of sleep I have had, a side salad and bowl of soup was all I ordered. VERY out of the norm for mu'ah and if you saw my ass you would understand what I mean.

Returned to the office and back to the grind I went. I had been back for mayyybe a half an hour when my life literally began to unravel piece by piece. "T", the oldest of my younger brother's called me. It was weird to see his name on my phone because I usually don't hear from him. He usually only texts me. I answered. He said two detectives had just shown up at his work asking if he knew where Chad was. They wanted all of the families information like phone numbers and addresses. They wouldn't tell him why or what was going on, they just wanted information and possibilities of where Chad could be. In the midst of my call with "T", I get another incoming call from Chad's probation officer. I hung up with Travis and answered the new call. Here is how it went:

ME: "Hello" P.O. "Mindy, I need you and your dad to get down here to AP&P right away. Something serious has happened and you both need to get here just as fast as you can so I can tell you what's going on." ME: "What's wrong, just tell me." P.O. "I don't want to tell you this over the phone." ME: "(His name) I have been waiting for this call for a long time, just tell me". P.O. "Chad is being investigated in a homicide." ME: "WHAT, WHO, WHEN?" Then it clicked, the breaking news that broke this morning of a woman found dead in her apartment.

My arms and legs began to melt with that hot feeling you get whenever something terrible has happened. At least that's what happens to me. I began shaking uncontrollably and could barely say another word. His P.O. said "get a hold of your dad and you guys get down here as soon as you can." I hung up and immediately called my dad. Another call to my dad that when he heard my voice more than likely thought I was calling to tell him Chad was dead. I told my dad what was going on and of course it was like I hit him with a boulder. I told him to get down to AP&P right away and I would meet him there. I then called my boss in, told him what little I knew and asked him to please shut my stuff down.

The drive was on. I was so overcome with emotion and absolute panic and disbelief that making the 15 minute drive, a drive that for the most part is my daily routine, seemed so foreign to me. I don't go to AP&P everyday but I still take the same way everyday to the freeway and get off on the same exit everyday which is near the AP&P office but this was simply too much for me to remember. I made the wrong turn, almost ran a few lights, was in the wrong lane at times all the while tears just streaming down my face and thinking to myself dear God Chad where are you, what happened? This could not be true. What, what, WHAT in the hell happened? There is no way possible that my brother is capable of HOMICIDE. NO WAY!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! This is a HUGE mistake!!

This poor family who along with our family has been shattered and torn to pieces...... who are they? In a matter of hours, her family's lives have been turned upside down and I don't have a single idea of the details, just that my brother may be involved. Somewhere in the mix of this dreadful nightmare, I spoke with a detective from Bountiful and for the life of me have no clue what the conversation was about. I can't even remember his name. And I believe I spoke with my brother "T"and told him why they were looking for Chad but again, I can't remember.

I must have been taking more time than anticipated because Chad's P.O. called me back. That is when I made the wrong turn down the wrong street but told him I'm almost there. I made it before my dad, went in to hear a lady behind the desk abruptly yells out to me "who are you here for." I told her his name and again just as abruptly as they ALWAYS are, she asked if he was expecting me. Not unless somebody is going to slap me out of this nightmare that just begun than yes he is expecting me.

His P.O. came for me and took me down a hallway and into a room where they conduct interviews. Dad hadn't made it there yet. People are walking everywhere in the halls gathering information for this new case on hand plus others I am sure. I felt almost like I was in the middle of an episode of Law & Order myself but this is the REAL DEAL. His P.O. told me he is waiting for an investigator from the prison who is on his way. He asked me if I had any idea who Chad might be with, how to get a hold of him and who this woman was that had passed away. Of course I had no idea the answer to the first two questions but did to the third. Chad knew her from a previous job they both worked together at. When I found out he was using heroin again and kicked him out, she is who he moved in with.

Dad had finally made it. I don't remember the last time I saw my dad cry, but today would be a day I would never forget seeing him cry and break down the way he did. His eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears. His heart is broken. Just like me, he couldn't even think straight. We have definitely been blown right out of our reality. To make things even harder for him, I asked if he called his wife "G". "She's in India." She had to go to India for a month for work but I didn't know that she had already left. Now I'm thinking good hell, now my dad is by himself. Shit will somebody just tell me this is NOT HAPPENING????

The investigator from the prison made it. By this time as well, Chad's name and previous mug-shot were all over the news. My brother"B" and sister "M" had just gotten word and called my dad on his cell phone. Dad lost it when as he tearfully explained as much as he could in about a minute's time. My phone was blowing up with texts from my boyfriend who still had no idea what was going on. I texted him back telling him where I was and what had happened. "WTF!" was all he could text.

We were questioned for about an hour, hour and a half. We went over scenario's of what Chad's next move may or may not be. Who he might contact, where in the valley he might be and who he might be with and ultimately how we can go about setting him up. By this I mean he knows the route my dad takes home everyday after work. There is a Cyprus Credit Union along the way that my dad will meet him occasionally when Chad needs money. The plan was if Chad were to call, dad would meet him there, make all the contacts exactly as he was told too and they would try to get him that way. I was also instructed that if he were to show up at my house who to contact. I had asked if I could make a civil arrest. If I or my boyfriend were able to get a hold of him and hold him down would I be ok in doing so. "Only if you feel if you will be safe doing so." Of course safety is their biggest concern and I totally get that. I also got that there was no way Chad would come to any of our homes or make contact with any of us once he realized how much heat would be on him. I mean if ANYTHING the very last person I know he would make contact with IF he were going to do so would be our dad. The goal was to get him off the streets tonight. He had been officially listed as ARMED & DANGEROUS. Ugh!

We left AP&P with our plans in place. I am scared to death, sick to death, and just want to find my brother. Leaving my dad was NOT what I wanted to do. I didn't want to leave my daddy's side. I just didn't know what to do. Neither on of us did. The whole world is going on with their day. People are out riding their bikes, walking their dogs, driving from point A to B. The wind is still blowing, the clouds are still moving in. LIFE IS STILL GOING ON and I and my dad are just in caught in a freeze frame not having a damn clue what foot to put forth first to continue on. I hugged my dad, got in my car and put my hands and head on my steering wheel and just sobbed. I called my boss and God bless him, he was so supportive. I told him I would be back in tomorrow unless something were to happen through the night.

Picked my boyfriend up and went to the credit union so I could replace my debit card as it wasn't working right. Cops were crawling out of the streets in West Valley. I figured they were on the look out. Ya they were on the look out....for him. It was because a home had just been burglarized in the neighborhood where I once lived, by the credit union, WHICH explains why the cops were everywhere. I found this out through text by a person that knows me and Chad and said it was on the news. The car matched the description of the car that Chad was in. My brother has definitely gone off the deep end and that is putting it VERY lightly.

I got home from the credit union, sit on the couch as nervous as I could be and turned the news on. I received a call from his probation officer. It was a call to prepare me for the worst. A call telling me the actions he, meaning my brother, is showing are those type of actions that seem to be leading to a "suicide by cop" and if Chad does anything to resist or show danger, they will shoot. My eyes welled with tears and my lips began to fidget. I took a deep breath and said to his P.O., "I understand that you will all have to do what you have to do and at this point in this sick hell I'm in with his addiction, I am ready and have been ready for years for that call that he is gone so you do what you have to do." He promised would get Chad off the streets tonight and that he would call me no matter what and I told him it didn't matter what time it was, just call me.

The night went on and all I could do was run scenarios in my head of how this could end. I asked myself if I should start looking for him on my own. I was numb. More numb than I have been in a very long time. My phone has been blowing up with text messages from everybody that knew of the situation going on and every time it rings I'm startled out of my skin. Suddenly I saw an unrecognizable car drive up to my house. I had no clue who it could have been so I put Lacey up and opened the door. It was two Bountiful detectives. I let them in, and asked them to sit down. One of them said "no you go ahead, you need to hear this." Oh hell what now I asked myself. So I sat down and the detective pulled out a tape recorder and asked me if I could identify the voice. It was the message left at her work that by the way was all over the news, stating she wouldn't be in to work because she was ill and the person taking care of her is taking her to the insta-care. The detective asked me if it was my brother. It honestly didn't sound like him to me at first so he played it again and at the end of the message I could then tell it was Chad because of the "wording" he used. Could my stomach flip anymore times today? Could my body take anymore internal hot flashes for the day? Could my body take another blow today and if it could, please let it be hard enough to wake me up from this tragedy.

The detective had a notepad with several names in it asking if I knew any of them. One of them I did. I told the detective what I knew about this person. He asked if I knew where he might live and of course I did. So I found myself crawling into an undercover detective vehicle with scanners, batteries for laptops and a GPS system with windows so dark there was no way I or anybody could be identified in the car. I showed them where this person lived, they dropped me back off to my house and I was left just waiting for that phone call.

I finally gave in and layed my body on my bed. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping much if ANY. All I could think is "Chad please don't run, please don't do anything to cause a huge shoot-out. Okay well if you do, I hope you go quickly and don't suffer anymore than you already have. Where are you at? Will you please call me?" I mean the thoughts just reeled in my head of all the ways this could go down.

At 2:02 am "that call" came. "Mindy wake up, listen to me. We got him." I asked if he was okay. "He's fine, he was asleep in a car. He didn't resist or fight and he is okay." "Okay, THANK YOU SO MUCH for calling me." I hung up and wasn't sure how to feel. Was I happy he was alive knowing what he will be up against for the rest of his life or did I wish that maybe in a way when they found him asleep that he would have been beyond asleep. That his spirit/soul had finally been taken from his already lifeless body and none of us, including Chad would have to struggle in this no win situation of heroin and cocaine addiction anymore. It would be over for Chad, for my dad and for the rest of us. He would FINALLY no longer have to be high to be happy. He wouldn't have to do the unthinkable things he does to get his drugs. He wouldn't be a danger to himself or anybody else. FINALLY it would just be OVER. I wasn't sure how to feel. I just knew that from this very moment our lives will surely never, EVER be the same. Two families lives have been forever broken and I don't know which step to take when I put my feet on the floor tomorrow, IF, God willing, I can pull myself from this bed of mine.

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